The Center of Sound

If something is boring after two minutes, try it for four. If still boring, then eight. Then sixteen. Then thirty-two. Eventually one discovers that it is not boring at all.
- John Cage


When I was in high school (at NCSA--now called UNCSA) I became very interested in John Cage and Buddhism at about the same time. I became interested in Buddhism through a way of existential suffering I.e. a teenage break up (smile). I became interested in John Cage because when I listened to his music I was paying attention! I also like John Cage as a person. From watching a documentary-- “I Have Nothing To Say, And I Am Saying It” --I was enamored by his simplicity, soft voice, humor, and his ability to see art and beauty in everything. I was inspired.

As I became interested in Buddhism I began to meditate. Not really knowing what I was doing, I would merely sit in my room for 25 minutes. In hindsight I couldn’t tell you why I was meditating, other than I was experimenting. I didn’t know what happened when meditation occurs and I didn’t even think about if I was doing it right. However, I read a quote by John Cage and it spoke to me about this action of no action. (At NCSA I was taught art work is suppose to be interesting, have drama, variation, contrast, different sections, and so on.) In contrast to art the act of meditating seemed boring, or uninteresting. And when I read this quote by John Cage I thought, “I will sit here until I am not bored any longer”. Over a decade later, having read this quote I realized I oriented myself toward meditation and attention in a way where the question of technique did not dawn on me…I didn’t think about doing something right. I merely thought I would sit until sitting was not boring. However!

I was inspired by another thing John Cage said, “The first question I ask myself when something doesn’t seem to be beautiful, the first question I ask is ‘Why do I not think it is beautiful?’ And very shortly you discover there is no reason.” Having heard this, I was not sitting until I was not bored in that something became interesting or “beautiful” but simply becoming aware of a non-dual landscape.

I became interested silence.

I hope you too become interested in silence, the center of sound.

Free-dom

I have considered recently how people are making a capital enterprise from "seekers." So I have been saying "Freedom is free." This evening I typed that phrase and thought, "What is the etymology of 'freedom'?

This is it:
Free: O.E. freo "free, exempt from, not in bondage,"
-dom: denoting a state or condition

Freedom means: Denoting a state or condition not in bondage.

(I love doing this!)

Bondage: c.1300, "condition of a serf or slave,"

Slave: late 13c., "person who is the property of another,"

Property: c.1300, "nature, quality," later "possession"

Possession: mid-15c., "to hold, occupy, reside in"

I am reminded of the word identity which means, from late Latin identitas, from Latin idem 'same'. So our bondage is attempting to be the same as something else. You can't be the same as yourself; you are yourself.

I don't believe you can pay any amount of money to anyone to teach you who you are. They don't know. In terms of bondage and being a slave to another, spending money for someone's "teaching," you are bond to them by thinking you will only know who you are through their teaching. Right!! There is a paradox here.

Appointment: The Rattlesnake

I was sitting here drinking coffee this morning and I started to think of the lyrics “she says all she needs is therapy yeah all you need is, love is all you need…. She says ooh, It’s so hard to love when love was your great disappointment.” These lyrics come from a Llyod Cole song titled Rattlesnakes, however, I was thinking of Tori Amos’s cover on Strange Little Girls. Thinking of these lyrics I remembered what Sri Swami Satchidananda said about making appointments. He said, “Take an example. ‘Ohhh, I am so disappointed.’ Use the same prefix. Dis-appointed. Why? You made an appointment….Your disappointment, you made earlier, so only your appointment got dis-ed.”

“…love was your great disappointment.”

Love was your appointment that got dis-ed. As I am writing this I am thinking, “We can’t give up on love.” So how do we love without disappointment? I want to look at this a little closer.

To be disappointed, as Swami Satchidananda, is to make an appointment that got dis-ed. If we look at ’appointment’ we will find that it is an act of appointing, and appointing is to assign a job or role to someone. In other words we might appoint someone to love us, by saying, “I want you to love me”.. And if the other says, “No. I can’t love you. I love someone else,” our appointment will be dis-ed.

So perhaps we can take love out of the mix here and simply say: appointment was the great disappointment.

This reminds me of a story in the New Testament. The apostles were arguing about who was the greatest. James and John asked Jesus who would be at his right and left during the Eternal Age. Jesus replies, “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and servant of all.” He later replies, “You've observed how godless rulers throw their weight around," he said, "and when people get a little power how quickly it goes to their heads…. Whoever wants to be great must become a servant, and you whoever wants to be first must be a slave to all.” The apostles wanted to be appointed by Jesus, however, they became disappointed. They wanted to be appointed by Jesus to love one of them more than another. But that is not what Jesus was offering. It is clear that Jesus’ intention was to serve and love all, but not in exchange for power or authority given by man. I believe Jesus wanted us to live as he did, and be fueled by God to love and serve others.

So how do we love without disappointment? We love without making appointments. We do not appoint or wait for an other to come love us. We love others, and in that love we will find love. And if you are concerned with the notion that if you love others, then who will love you? As Jesus said, “Take courage!”

Peace be with you.